1. Do not lean against the pole. When you lean against the pole, you’re being a jackass that will not allow anyone else to hold onto said pole.

2. If you are standing in front of the door, move out of the way when the door opens. Some people are actually trying to get on and off of the train.

3. When you walk onto the subway, KEEP WALKING. Do not just step in and then stop. There is plenty of space in the middle of the train and there are people behind you.

4. When you are walking down the stairs to the subway, do not take up the whole fucking staircase. While you may not care that the door is about to close in 2 seconds, and are crawling down at snail speed, I actually need to catch that train.

5. Don’t take fucking pictures. I mean really, I know you’re a tourist, but OMG I’M ON A SUBWAY HOLY SHIT I MUST DOCUMENT THIS PART OF MY LIFE I’M SO COOL! Seriously?

6. Don’t clip your nails/toenails on the subway. I don’t care how busy you are, some things are meant for your apartment.

7. It’s hard for anybody to admit they’re slightly large, but if you can’t fit into a seat opening, you can’t fit. If there is an opening on the bench the size of a midget and you are the size of a whale, it’s not gonna happen. Spare the people on either side your smelly sweaty body half-sitting on them, and just stand.

8. Don’t tip the jackasses dancing on the train. Yeah, cool, you don’t live in New York so you think it is interesting and part of the culture, oh they’re soooo interesting! No. First of all, it is illegal to solicit money on the train, so don’t provoke them. Second of all, you think it’s cool because you don’t see them EVERY FUCKING DAY doing the exact same dance moves to the exact same song during fucking RUSH HOUR. Yeah, I’m going to pay you for almost kicking me in the face breakdancing on a crowded train after a long day at my REAL JOB.

9. Your bag is not a person, put it on your lap. Especially on the old trains like the B, where there are groove designating specific seats, and not just a long bench. Your bag does not need it’s own seat.

10. When swiping through the turnstile, have your fucking card out. I’m trying to catch the train, it’s kind of hard when I’m waiting for you to stop blocking the turnstile just because you can’t find your card. Look for it AWAY from the entrance. Thanks.